[ quotes list ]

Things said here don't necessarily reflect my own opinions. I just think they're funny.

JollyJack

B3ta, August 2008

I draw characters like Kat, Scarlet and Pip because I like WB and Disney cartoons.
Not because I want to plunge my magic love truncheon into woodland animals......

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, August 2008

Here, sir, is the Internet, which you have won fair and square.

A Vagabond

B3ta, July 2008

Home baking is killing Battenberg

Anonymous

Slashdot, June 2008

A REAL patriot would say, "I will fight to the death to defend your right to do things that freak me the fuck out."

Nat Friedman, Professor of Mathematics

University of Albany, February 2008

Only fractal geometry can convey the survival of a tragic experience.

Dilbert

Ars Technica, January 2008

Exchange is Jesus in software form.

MrPineapple

B3ta, January 2008

Kitties are made of tetrahedrons.
That is what makes them so puzzlingly cute.

Stallion Explosion

B3ta, December 2007

Science wouldn't lie to you, but a giant banana disguised as science might

Shada

B3ta, August 2007

Never set out to do something sensible. All that will happen is Mario.

tttonyyy

Slashdot, May 2007

Before you start solutioneering, lets have a sense check and rationalise the paradigm shift towards metaverse solution providers. I want this project firing on all cylinders! Ratify some face-time - I'd like to stir-fry some ideas in your mind-wok.

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, May 2007

Go quickly to the gunstore for the rapture approaches and you are likely to be eaten by a grue.

roschler

androidtech.com, November 2006

Web 3.0. The recently coined term that has many in the blogosphere screaming 'Stop the keyword hype!'

stunt_penguin

Slashdot, November 2006

This is not just surveillance, this is hand picked, organic, creamy devonshire surveillance, served with only the finest cuts of succulent datamining tools, and wrapped in delicious, healthy cost savings

This is not just a police state, this is an M&S police state.

archer

Ars Technica, OT, November 2006

Use by small children may cause premature destruction of souls, and loss of faith in mankind

_orion

IRC, -

I love escelators, they can never break, only temporarially turn into stairs

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, October 2005

No, fool, he was trying to save time and effort by typing '/me' instead of 'I'.

-

Wikipedia, -

January 25, 2003 - An international group of volunteers leaves London, heading for Baghdad to act as human shields. Most will leave in March fearing that they would actually become human shields.

killjoe

Slashdot, October 2006

Nevertheless the election of a US president is the single most important event in the world

Roxanne Khamsi

New Scientist, June 2006

When the researchers shortened the ants' legs the insects had trouble finding home.

Tarqs

Costa, December 2005

On average, there is less depression after Christmas.

CmdrTaco

Slashdot, December 2005

All I know is that I could get where I was going better if I could shoot turtles at others on the highway.

Zog The Undeniable

Slashdot, October 2005

Quis microwavet ipsos microwaves?

Tam

Email, August 2005

I've always wanted to spank a gnome

TPIRman

Slashdot, July 2005

In Korea, only old people are Robocop.

The 13th Duke

Slashdot, July 2005

You May Laugh Now But
Soon our daily lives will be improved by new, exciting products based on Zero G Water Balloon Bursting technology.

Golias

Slashdot, June 2005

In a world without assholes, everybody would be full of shit.

Grave Rose

Slashdot, June 2004

Unix have no Monads.

[Sorry, geek-only joke]

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, June 2005

Wow.
You're so hilarious.
That comment made me laugh so hard that semen came spewing from my nose.

ThatWeasel

Slashdot, May 2005

Fuck, I screwed up. Anyway, VII-IX will be made whether I am drunk or not.

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, May 2005

With Linux and teh Mac combining to form a whopping 6% of the desktop market, it's a mystery why Microsoft doesn't just close up shop already.

Keysey

-, May 2005

They say cats always land on their feet, but that won't help when there's LIQUID NITROGEN though, will it?

Cat Rose

-, May 2005

Cats are little furry balls of evil. They're still cute though. And evil.

Andy

Jabber, May 2005

On the other hand, I got blowjobs, whereas you got more debts...

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, May 2005

It's my God given right as an American to be able to sit at home in my underwear and kill shit.

Andy

Jabber, May 2005

And then I sneezed and the metaphore went too far

As Seen on TV

Slashdot, April 2005

You say you want to take somebody else's property, incorporate it into your own whatever, and then release under terms that allow other people to modify it, copy it, do whatever they want with it. How is that not completely deranged?

Jas0nC

Slashdot, April 2005

Wow. Your a god damn asshole. Let your poor kids use the computer that they want to use it. I am 13 myself. I play a load of 'Mature' games and you don't see me blowing the brains out of kids. I get straight A's (and maybe a B here and there). All I have to say to assholes like you is FUCK OFF THOSE POOR KIDS.

Rictor

IRC, -

1f j00 (4n 1234d 7|-|15, j00 n33d 70 937 |41d

jericho4.0

Slashdot, March 2005

No they're not similar at all. The microscope uses lenses and refractors, while the telescope uses _magic_.

mswope

Slashdot, March 2005

Behold the terrible power of the SUN! Hold still, please!

binford2k

Slashdot, March 2005

You realize that you are arguing with a firefox developer about how firefox is built, do you not?

Onion 2K

Slashdot, March 2005

The television license will be changed to say you need one if you have 'any device capable of receiving programme broadcasts'. By 2017 that'll include your brain.

Bill Watterson

Calvin and Hobbes, -

You can tell this is an in-depth story because it's got an article next to the chart.

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, February 2005

Reading this post actually restored my virginity. Damn you straight to hell.

mopslik

Slashdot, April 2005

But the upcoming OpenOffice.org 2.0 will be more adequate than ever!

Lisa Mol

Jabber, April 2005

Then again, I also told Keysey to stop burping, that didn't help much. I should have more authority. From now on I will rule through fear and terror.

vampireheph

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines Walkthrough, February 2005

Hey boss, vampires are coming after us. Do you know of a poorly lit house with a dark basement we can hole up in?

Ford Prefect

Slashdot, March 2005

I, for one, welcome our new time-travelling Boris Johnson overlords!

Anonymous-san

IRC, -

okay so there's these two strings, right
They walk into a bar
The first string says
Hello, I'd like a rum and cokerhe7954454gh2kjn.,.43>>[][]21?24
The second string says
You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, March 2005

OS X is invulnerable to all attacks, because it's made of magic.

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, March 2005

Glad to see that openoffice has cornered the 'lol' users market.

DemonEater

IRC, -

WTF? ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship. Who the hell watches jump rope competiti--- ooh bouncy

aryov

IRC, -

This cake is soooo good. It's like sex, except I'm having it.

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, February 2005

Statement of generic Microsoft criticism. Scorn-filled diatribe against anyone trying to make a buck off software. Heaping of accolades upon anything open-source. Disparagement of Cowboy Neal.
(insinuation of smallness relative to Bill Gate's genitalia)
--
Pithy sig.

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, February 2005

Wait... do we like IBM this week?

Bonch / Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, January 2005

- If Gentoo was used by 90% of the install base, spyware vendors would find a way.
- Maybe so, but it would be the cleanest, most optimized and up-to-date spyware on the planet.

Dogbert

DNRC Newsletter, November 2004

Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions.
So use your 'gut instinct' to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you’ll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy.

Becky Heaviside

MSN, November 2004

I'm not allowed coloured drinks in the sitting room anymore. So I have them when he's out.

Hayley Openshaw

SGSS, DCC, September 2004

I'm happy me. Big, fat and pregnant, but I'm happy.

Bill Bryson

Notes From A Big Country, 1998

Most big companies don’t like you very much, expect for hotels, airlines and Microsoft, which don’t like you at all.

Mark Twain

Following the Equator, 1897

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then He made School Boards.

XigXag

Slashdot, September 2004

This is France we're talking about, not some two bit country like Iraq or Bosnia that we can just invade any time we feel like.

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, August 2004

Didn't you know? Anyone who mentions that their system runs Gentoo is automatically modded down for being insufferably smug. It's somewhere in the FAQ, I forget where.

MrHanky

Slashdot, August 2004

You're going on my friends list. (No, you're not, but you would if you were.)

God

Everywhere, Always

Nietzsche is dead.

joper90

Slashdot, July 2004

Cool... A quantum monkey. Suddenly life has got better...

Kin Korn Karn

Slashdot, July 2004

Not everyone is as brilliant as the open source community thinks it is.

Lars T.

Slashdot, July 2004

Isn't it odd, that some people claim to be able to tell apart CD and 192kbps MP3, yet are unable to tell if a song is by Britney Spears or Christina Aguillera?

Tackhead

Slashdot, July 2004

A web browser is not an operating system. It has no business doing anything other than turning HTML into boobies.

Wylfing

Slashdot, July 2004

'The European Council of Ministers voted in favor of throwing out the European Parliament's efforts to keep software patents out of Europe'.
So they were for being against opposing patents.
This is your brain on drugs.

Paulrothrock

Slashdot, July 2004

You'll take my porn when you pry it from my cold, dead, sticky fingers.

ignavus

Slashdot, June 2004

When you are a nail, everything looks like a hammer.

chabotc

Slashdot, June 2004

When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail!

AndroidCat

Slashdot, June 2004

I don't do that because while some silliness is a good thing, too much of anything can kill you!

Yamamoto Tsunetomo

Hagakure, September 1716

He who sees from the side has eight eyes.

Anonymous Coward

Slashdot, May 2004

Don't buy that car! It KILLED ME!! Also, the cup-holders are TOO SMALL!!!